It Is Okay To Talk About Miscarriage

This article originally appeared in the February 2016 print edition.

By Virginia Garcia-Ramos

Ever since I was a child, I never thought about getting married, let alone having a baby. I never wanted children PERIOD, yet here I was at age 25, married and pregnant. At the time, my dreams were to become a successful individual and have my own company (a dream I still have not given up on). Many things had changed in my life and I saw the world in a very different way. I joined an internship in Florida, lived in California, and did many things people my age only dream about. But on April 16, 2014, I found out that I was pregnant. My whole life was about to change.

I went to my first doctor’s visit and right off the bat, something seemed off to the doctor. I was sent to get some tests done. Unfortunately, at the next checkup, which was about a week later, the doctor told me I had a miscarriage. A lot of people get confused because they think that a miscarriage means you bleed out, or that the baby will come out on its own through the miscarriage. Well,  it was different in my situation. The baby was still inside the womb, but had simply stopped developing. This is a very common occurrence and happens to many women, but we just don’t talk about it.

I was completely lost and didn’t know this was even a possibility. How could the baby just stop developing, but still be in me? The doctors did not have answers either. In fact, there really is no explanation as to why this happens. I was eventually sent home and told to wait and see if I’d bleed out as part of the miscarriage process.

So I did as I was told. I went home and waited, but nothing happened. The following week, I was set up at the hospital for a procedure known as a D&C (dilation and curettage), a common procedure performed on women who have a miscarriage. My husband never left my side. As we drove home after the procedure, it all began to really hit me. We were driving home, but with no baby. Our baby had stayed behind at the hospital, and we would never meet this little human. The following days were the worst I have ever experienced. I was in excruciating pain and sadness came over us. As I showered I looked down at my belly where my baby once was and wondered, Why did this happen to us? I felt as if it was my fault since I had never wanted children. I felt betrayed by my own body. I felt I was not worthy of being given such a blessing.

A few days later, I entered my closet and started to weep. I sobbed so uncontrollably that I fell to the ground. I never wanted to get up again. My husband walked in and laid on the floor next to me, held me tight and told me everything would be okay. That he was there for me and he would always love me. We were laying on the ground and as I sobbed, he just kept reassuring me that it was not my fault, that it was just not meant to be and that one day we would get the opportunity again. My wonderful husband and his beautiful words helped save me from the darkness and sadness I was feeling.

I write this because I want people to know that it is okay to talk about miscarriage and we should support one another in these situations. For those of you who have gone through this, please do not feel that you are alone. Women and men should support each other, as an ordeal like this is not easy to deal with, and it does affect both the mother and the father. A miscarriage is a common occurrence; my doctor told me it happens to every 3 out of 10 women. We should unite and shine a light on these issues and not treat them as taboo. Were it not for my husband, I may not have been able to pick myself back up. We should all give each other the support we need, no matter what the situation may be. We all have struggles in life and should not feel ashamed to discuss these situations.

Make sure to smile every day and help someone in need if you can. You may not know it, but you could be saving a life with a simple gesture like a hug or a smile.

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