OPINION: Fear of the unknown
By David Gomez Jr.
Published Thursday, April 22, 2021
“Good, but you can do better.”
Those words haunted me throughout my college career and they still sound strongly. To be clear, no one told me that. This is something that constantly goes through my head. My own personal, unsatisfied boss that lives in my mind.
This spring semester has certainly made that voice—I do not want to say louder—but more aggressive. Each time I miss an assignment and turn it in late, each time I let a classmate down and each time I let myself down.
But to preserve each time makes me believe my degree will be worth it. I sure hope so. I have so many friends that could not find work as soon as they graduated. Whether they were biology, communication or business majors, they just could not find anything fast enough—yet. There lies a bit of truth, though. In the word “yet.”
They eventually found jobs. Most like their jobs, some do not but are working toward it, for sure.
I only need 19 more credit hours to graduate and, let me tell you, that is a relief and yet terrifying all the same. Why? Because of that boss in my head. I do not want to succumb to its pessimistic words. And yes, I do realize it is my own subconscious telling me this; I am also minoring in psychology. Does that even mean anything? I do not know. Either way, I am petrified of that.
At this point in the semester, I run on fear—the fear of failing. I fear letting myself down. I fear not having done my best when I know I had a little more left in the tank. I fear looking back now with regret.
Fear is still a good thing, though. I am certain that it means I am afraid of being human. Not the person who does nothing and has already given up, but human in the sense that, even though the red solo cup pyramid fell, they can always be stacked again—better, too. Can you tell I miss playing Beirut with my friends?
We are going back to campus next semester and I am not looking forward to that. Not one bit. Do you know how much gas I saved due to online classes? I do not either, but I am sure it was a lot. Especially not having to look for parking during rush hour. Oh goodness gracious. I will be living inside The Bridge office again while surviving on energy drinks and snacks from the vending machine 2 feet away from the door.
It’s a funny thing to look back on right now, but I do miss that office. I visited twice this semester and it felt, for lack of a better word, dead.
I believe I am no longer touching the ground in the proverbial swimming pool. I am simply keeping my head above water. With so much school under my belt, I think it is time for me to swim. I can’t afford to sink. To next semester—cheers!